When it comes to work, ‘acting like a man’ has long been seen as the secret to smashing it and getting ahead. So, what do we do, we put on our shoulder-padded, power suit, under a blouse button and get stuck in? For a long time, women (and some men) know that this is wrong, but have been reluctant to fight it, wanting to show that we can have it all too. Is it now time for change?
This article was originally written in March 2020, just before COVID-19 changed our lives. Even though workplaces for some has changed, especially with working from home, I loved it so much, I couldn’t keep it hidden away and unpublished any longer. Especially because of the inspiring quotes from the female business role models which are included.
There is a growing backlash to this hard as nails, boys club style of leadership. Soft power, which celebrates our typical feminine skills, is being encouraged. Women are no longer holding back on their emotions, empathy and intuition.
Power is in the person
A Deloitte survey asked 5,000 people to rank important qualities in a leader. 71% of them said they would pick a communicative leader, and only 16% believed a boss needed to be authoritative. Deloitte dubbed this new type of leader as ‘The Human CEO’, someone who cultivates a supportive workplace where employees can bring their whole selves to work.
Let’s face it, adopting an office ‘man-tra’ is draining. Faking a persona is not only draining but over time, many will be able to see through the cracks and take advantage of your vulnerabilities. It is known as ‘emotional labour’. The term was coined by American sociologist Arlie Hochschild., who first noticed the toll in airline cabin crew who have a faux fixed smile. Studies have linked hiding or faking emotions at work to job stress and dissatisfaction, emotional exhaustion and burnout.
Celebrate what you can bring to the team, rather than what you think you should. You may still have to put your foot down, and there are still boundaries. It is about an approachable, vulnerable leadership, rather than putting on a front or being aggressive. When people see that you are genuine, they actually want to work with you and do their best for you.
Claire, Hisdoryan and an Engagement Officer
“I work in a role that involves engaging and building relationships with key partners. I need to be approachable to everyone, and that’s why a power suit really isn’t for me. How can you build an equitable working relationship with someone if you’re dressed like their CEO? To some people its only clothes, but to me, it shifts the whole power dynamic. Plus we all spend so much of our lives in work that I would prefer to wear work clothes that are a reflection of me and my personality.”
Power dressing
Ok, so Coco Channel did a pretty good job at bringing life into the pretty shapeless skirt and jacket combo. The power was harnessed, and its potential turned the once-drab outfit into a couture icon. During the 80’s women rocked the suit at meetings, weddings, and in the Houses of Parliament – it reeked of power. Its success soon died out again, and it became a drab uniform to most. Or, what immediately comes to most minds is the ‘sexy secretary’ look.
For inspiration, look at some of the female role models in your life, or in the media. Michelle Obama has a warmth that everyone flocks towards, she has campaigned for change getting America to eat healthy alongside a successful career in law. Mary Berry rules the kitchen, and she dresses in pastels and florals.
Hannah WomanHoodMyths and Marketer
“Appropriate business wear is anything that helps you put your best self forward. Note how varied the workwear section is on Topshop.com. I personally love more structured, ‘professional’ clothing. Very early on in my career, a male business owner paused a meeting to make a spectacle of my formal outfit, jeering that I was “way too overdressed” for the industry. From that day on I was determined that no one would dictate how I dressed for work, least of all to box me into a subordinate position that bolstered their own authority.
Now I dress like the businesswoman I always aspired to be when I was a little girl, even though it’s cool if I show up to work in loungewear. It’s just how I feel most comfortable. Equally, if you feel confident when you’re wearing jeans and hoodie, so be it. In the words of Erin Brockovich, “As long as I have one ass instead of two, I’ll wear what I like.”
Does how you dress detract from the job in hand?
Women should not be worried that their femininity detracts from their leadership qualities. In fact, it adds incredible value. However, in February 2020 there was a scandal when MP Tracey Brabin wore an off the shoulder dress in Parliament. It was deemed ‘too sexy’ for the workplace.
(Yes, I am writing that in 2020!) In my opinion, her dress was not revealing in the slightest. A dress does not take away her skills that got her the seat in Parliament.
She received so much backlash she was forced to reply on Twitter, “Sorry I don’t have time to reply to all of you commenting on this but I can confirm I’m not….A slag, Hungover, A tart, About to breastfeed, A slapper, Drunk, Just been banged over a wheelie bin. Who knew people could get so emotional over a shoulder…” (Wow! Again, it was a black dress showing a bit of shoulder!)
Unlike men, Parliament does not have a dress code for women. When the agreements were written up, they never dreamed that a woman would sit alongside them, aiding in the making of decisions. We are still nowhere near seeing a 50:50 gender split across all major industries. There are far more of us in the workplace than ever before – and it means we can finally dominate the dress codes.
What is soft power?
The term ‘soft power’ first appeared in the late 80s, to describe international relations where countries made agreements by persuasion and attraction rather than force. Even now, it is about connections and fostering relationships with people you work with.
Technology has helped spread the soft-power mindset, with social media allowing us to express our voice, share our stories and build like-minded networks. With so many people working from home or taking on group roles, video technology only works because of the relationship behind it. It is not easy to act like the most important person in the room when there isn’t one.
These relationships also benefit our work, instead of sitting at your desk pretending ‘you’re fine’, it is now more acceptable to turn to your work best friend or colleagues for advice. People, on the whole, are understanding, and your team spirit will be lifted.
Christy Style Rarebit and Rarebit Social
“In 2020, when we’re redefining what it means to be a woman in the workplace, starting our own companies and empowering each other – the classic pantsuit means something completely different. We’re no longer trying to keep up with men in the workplace but are in our own lane and making our own rules.
I think it’s more about dressing for yourself than anything else. Your work uniform should be something that empowers you – not what you think will look powerful. I’ve always loved blazers, so naturally, they’re my go-to but I have no issue in layering them over soft floral dresses or pairing them with some chunky boots. That being said, you can still be a girl boss in head to toe pink ruffles. What you wear doesn’t define you, your intelligence or your work ethic but is merely an expression of your personality.
“I honestly find the workwear sections in shops so uninspiring and that’s not how you want to feel at work. You need to strike the balance between comfy and appropriate with clothing that expresses who you are.“
Can men be soft too?
It feels like I have been doing a bit of man-bashing, and this was not supposed to be the case. The biggest misconception about soft power is that it is just for women. They too have to battle with outdated expectations. Society tells them they are not allowed to be sensitive, gentle or express their feelings. Given that men suppress emotions more than women, it has been linked to depressive symptoms. But, irrespective of gender, we need to be ourselves at work, and only we can make that happen.
Be A Lady They Said
Sex and the City actor Cynthia Nixon is the face of a powerful video calling out the double standards and pressure women face on a daily basis. It mentions absolutely everything from the way they dress to how we deal with sexual harassment.
The video, created by Girls. Girls. Girls magazine, sees Nixon read out a powerful piece of writing by Camille Rainville of Writings of a Furious Woman. Titled ‘Be a lady, they said’, Nixon’s ferocious delivery was paired with a montage of clips of the likes of Audrey Hepburn in My Fair Lady, Robin Wright in House of Cards, Jennifer Lopez in Hustlers, Alexandra Ocasio Cortez in congress and Rachel McAdams wearing a breast pump.
So, is it time to ditch the power suit?
I do not have the answer… I do think attitudes to women in the workplace and their equality are changing – even if there is still a long way to go. Ultimately, I believe dressing for yourself before your role should come first. I like to be smart for work, and actually, I love a pencil skirt and stilettos. I do, however, let my skills and attitude do the talking, rather than what I decided to put on this morning. We just need to keep our agenda on everyone’s lips and keep fighting the adversity.
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