I get it all the time, “I don’t know what you’re moaning about, I’d love to have big boobs.” Trust me, if you carried them around all day and all night, you’d understand. Having large breasts is both a gift and a curse. Here are 30 reasons why having big boobs is a daily struggle.
I read an article in The Guardian – I know how high-brow of me – titled The death of the bra: will lingerie liberation of lockdown last? It says that during the lockdown, we have become so used to not wearing a bra around the house, that we now forget to put it on when we go out. With the imminent return to work, we will be reluctant to squeeze them back into a bra in the workplace.
I say fudge that! There is no way ‘the girls’ are going out in public without support, they’d be on my knees. How could you forget to put a bra on? It’s as essential as shoes to me. I know some people would kill to have boobs, and I empathise, but sometimes the things you want are not what you expect them to be. I’d rather have an orange than a watermelon.
Before someone mentions it, a boob reduction is not an option. They aren’t big enough to qualify for surgery. Plus, I don’t think I’d be brave enough to go through with it.
30 points about my big boob struggles
- You can not wear a shirt. Well, you can, but you’ll have to buy it two or three sizes bigger than you actually are. Meaning it’ll be huge on your waist. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve looked down and noticed one of my buttons had popped open.
- Safety pins will be your best friend. All of my dresses and tops that do have buttons have safety pins hidden underneath, so I don’t break free.
- Clothes do not fit correctly. To accommodate the boobage, shoulders, arms, or the waist don’t sit right.
- Long necklaces will get swallowed between your boobs – farewell adorable pendant, you’ll be missed.
- Bras are expensive and ugly. When I do find my size, it looks like something your nan would wear. It’ll also have really thick straps, a separator that will move your boobs so they brush against your arms, and will have a back thicker than pavement. Not to mention the strap marks you get at the end of the day, that are often still there in the morning.
- Not all bras are created equally, sometimes you’ll pay £40 for a bra for it to be unsupportive and unwearable. Or it’ll fall apart after only being worn a few times.
- Don’t even bother looking for a strapless bra. It won’t support you, and you’ll be yanking and pulling it up the entire time you’re wearing it. I’ve punched myself in the chin, hard, on countless occasions when I have dared to wear one.
- Also, getting a supportive bikini is not going to happen. You will have to buy separates too, you can’t buy a set if you need an M bottom and an XL top.
- They will only look plump and perky with a bra on. The sagging gets worse every year. I fear where they’ll be when I’m 60.
- Even with a fantastic sports bra, exercise is uncomfortable. I feel like I’ve had a workout just trying to get in and out of it. No matter how supportive it is, you will still jiggle around.
- Don’t forget about boob sweat. Taking off a sports bra, in particular, is minging. In the summer, I have to remember to put deodorant on under my boobs as well as my armpits.
- It doesn’t matter if you wear a roll neck, you can’t hide them. Even the slightest V-neck you look like you’re trying to draw attention to them.
- If you do wear a low-cut top, you’ll be called slutty, or people will think you want them to be looked at. On the plus side, occasionally, it will be you get served quicker at the bar.
- I can’t eat a meal, without spilling something down them, or getting splashback. Eating out is nerve-wracking. I always find popcorn in my bra after going to the cinema, even if I didn’t buy any.
- Sometimes men look at your face when they’re talking to you. Not to be sexist, sometimes women do it too. I have even been told that my breasts are ‘distracting’. WTF!
- When having conversations with people, if they are talking with their hands, occasionally they will knock your boobs.
- An important one, lumps and malignancy can be harder to spot in big boobs, as they tend to be lumpy by default. It’s also hard to tell if they are sore, as they often ache from the weight.
- Backache, all the time. I like to have a massage once a month, if I can afford it, just to ease the muscles across my shoulders and the top of my back.
- People will always think that you are fibbing about your bra size. Why would I lie to you? Why?
- Anything that doesn’t bring attention to your waist, or by wearing anything flowy will make you look pregnant.
- Cross-body bags may be practical for when you want to go hands free, but they are awkward. The strap will wedge itself between the boobs.
- I hate seatbelts. The way they sit across my chest makes the belt dig into my neck. I had to buy covers, as it was leaving marks.
- Finding a comfortable sleeping position takes time. I can sleep on my belly, unlike some other big boobed people. However, my pillows are a lot higher than my boyfriends to accommodate the space I need. Which he hates, as apparently they poke him in the eye when he rolls over.
- Holding friends’ babies is always risky, they assume that you have an abundance of milk in your giant jugs.
- You won’t be able to see your feet. Well, you can, if you lean forward.
- Believe it or not, people will ask if they are real. I always reply, “yes, I grew them myself”.
- Beware the clumsy boobs! Nothing is safe from their wake of terror. I can’t tell you how many things have been knocked over and spilt because my boobs have bumped into them.
- Walking down the stairs is perilous. I have to lean to the side so I can see where my feet are landing. Running up and down them is dangerous too. There’s no way you can do it quickly without grabbing them and holding them down.
- I’ve heard they get bigger during pregnancy, and when breastfeeding even more prominent again. The thought terrifies me.
- You can’t give anyone a hug without pressing your boobs into them. I have perfected the awkward hug, it looks similar to the ones on Naked Attraction.
Regardless of my body size or boob size, I always feel positive about my body and embrace my curves. I just needed to rant about how sometimes big boobs annoy me. The big-boob struggle is real.